Kuro-kuro (times four): Usapang dalawang klase ng pagtatapos

THE END

...is only the
beginning.

Sa wakas graduate na rin ang kapatid ko sa Grade School. Dalawa lang ang ibig sabihin nito: una, magha-highschool na siya at pangalawa, tumatanda na talaga ako.

Dati siya lang yung batang inaasar ko, ngayon siya na ang nang-aasar.
Dati siya lang yung batang inuutusan ko, ngayon siya na ang nag-uutos.
Dati siya lang yung batang iyakin, ngayon siya na ang nagpapa-iyak.
Dati siya lang yung batang pinapagalitan ko, ngayon siya na ang nagagalit.

Nagma-mature na siya at slowly, she’s creating her own personality. While she’s walking on stage, I can’t help but think that just a few years ago I was the one up there. I can’t help but be emotional. Ramdam ko rin naman kasi ang hirap niya at kapag examination week nila ay tila zombie siyang naglalakad sa bahay. Stiff, luwa ang mata at every five seconds ay naghihikab.

EVERY GOODBYE

...is a new
hello.

It was last March 22, when we received the news that my uncle died because of diabetes. There I realize how short life can be. There’s no such thing as permanent residency. Immortality becomes unnecessary. Goodbye is such a pain. Life becomes a dead end. The road got blocked. The heart stopped.

Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman, it was a long time since I’ve seen him. Is it necessary to cry? It didn’t occur to me up until the moment of his burial. I saw how my tita cried. It was a mixture of remorse, pain, regret, grief and love. I found myself biting my lips and wiping a solitary tear. I never reckon that I’ll shed a generous amount of it.

Life doesn’t end there. We should move on.

*royal*frogginess*signing*off

Kuro-kuro (times three): usapang good Samaritan

Kanina habang nag-aabang ng jeep pauwi galing campus, mayroon akong nakasabay na kapwa ko rin estudyante (obvious naman sa maroon na id). Nakita kong meron siyang kasamang dalawang street children. (kung anong hitsura ng mga batang gusgusin sa movies ganun ang hitsura nila.)

Pagsakay ko ng jeep dun ko nalaman na pareho pala kami ng byahe ng estudyanteng iyon. Ok, so iniisip ko kung bakit kasama ng babaeng yun ang dalawang street children. Pagkatapos ng ilang minuto bumaba na rin ang dalawang bata at nag-thankyou sa babae. Dun ko na-realize na tinulungan ng babae ang mga batang iyon para makauwi sa kanila. Malamang wala silang pamasahe pauwi.

Maya-maya nagbayad na ang babae sa driver. “Manong, eto pong bayad, (nag-abot ng P100) isa pong bayan, tapos yung dalawa po para sa mga bata...”

Pagkatapos ng ilang segundo. Inabot ng driver ang sukli. Sabi ng babae, “Manong, yung sa dalawang bata pa po.”

Sagot ng driver, “Hindi sige huwag na lang...”


Sa panahon ngayon kung saan masyado nang nagiging self-centered ang mga tao, nakakatuwang mayroon pa rin tulad ni Manong driver at ng babaeng estudyante na tumutulong sa kapwa. It felt good to know na meron pa ring mga taong mabubuti ang puso. Sa ilang buwan ko na kasing pagco-commute pauwi, ang dami ko ng nakitang iba’t-ibang klase ng tao. May masungit, bastos, uhaw sa space sa jeep, nakakatulog, nananapak ng paa, di nagbabayad, cute (eto lang fave ko e.) at marami pa.

Siguro nga etong si Manong driver at babaeng estudyante ay mga endangered species at on the brink of extinction na. Bihira na lang kasing makakita ng mga ganitong klase ng tao lalo na’t nagkalat ang masasamang espiritu sa mundo.

Kaya naman tinatanong kita ngayon,
kailan ka huling tumulong sa kapwa?
(ang kapwa dito ay iyong taong hindi mo kilala, tinulungan mo ng hindi nag-iisip ng kapalit [kahit konti!]) pero habang tina-type ko ito ngayon mas dapat pa lang ito ang itanong ko:

Kailan AKO huling tumulong sa kapwa?

....epilogue:
Ang sagot sa tanong ay di ko na sasabihin, baka mapabilis ang beatification ko sa Vatican. [asa!]

*royal*frogginess*signing*off

go0dbyE...

gosh...

class nanaman starting tom0rrow...

and in honor to all of the things that made me happy this sembreak let me say these:

GOodbYe:

1. to all the movie marath0ns
2. to all the mall hoppings
3. to late [as in super late] night tv shows
4. to long [as in super long] internet tambay sessions
5. to hours of listening to music
6. to looooong hours of sleep

waaaaahhhh....

i feel sad...

sembreak mode: deactivate

acads mode: activate [i hate to say this...]

and as a finale i would like to say welcome back to:

STRESS [i didn't miss y0u at all]

my site...

please... please... i'm n0w aband0ning (n0t t0tally naman) this bl0g 0f mine, cuz i have a new site please d0 visit it...

thanks a l0t!

peace 0ut!

http://supercams.multiply.com

...reMiniScin' tHe saDdeSt LinEs...

pabLo NerudA is a native of Chile, he is a great romantic poet (a lot actually, considers him as the greatest) and an activist as well. Here is his famous poem that will really make your heart melt... (made me think of past sweet nothings when i read this...)

****

Tonight I can write the saddest lines

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her.

To feel that I have lost her.
To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.

And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.

The night is shattered and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing.

In the distance. My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight searches for her as though to go to her.

My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.

We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.

My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another's. She will be another's.

Like my kisses before.Her voide. Her bright body. Her inifinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.

Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.


-enD-
********

pretty sad right?

nah! i sh0uld say, it's REALLY SAD
i could even feel the pain, anguish, melancholy
and most importantly the LONGING...

*******

LOVE IS SO SHORT, FORGETTING IS SO LONG...

so true... how hard it is to f0rget something (or someone) when the time spent is so short... just like a wind that brushes your face, so brief yet it lingers, long enough to be remembered forever...

it becomes doubly hard, when the memory you wanted to forget is the one that continues to stay but the memory you wanted to stay is the one that simply fades away...

we might have wished for someone to stay forever but it will never happen not even in our wildest dreams. we just have to be contented that somehow even for a while they have become a part of our lives...

taMad

i have so many things to say,
i have so many things to share.
a lot had happened a few weeks back,
but still
im too lazy to write it...

ok.. ok.. be back to p0st it s00n..
pr0mise!

-sept.27 i saw my gradeschool friend at diliman
-sept.28 all about Milenyo
-oct.4 macam visited diliman
-oct.9 what happened during my exams
-oct.13 the day i visited UST
-oct.15 me and sheena watched the PBA Live!
-oct.20 i had my hair cut
-oct24 mich's birthday

pr0mise... i'll p0st the details soon...
i'm just taking my time...
well a lot of time...

ang paghahalungkat...

after I erased some of my files I saw this p0em which I wr0te ab0ut a year ag0...

hala...!? an0 nga kaya ang nakain ko...!?

____________________

Friends?

isang normal na araw lang iy0n para sa akin,
isang araw kung saan lahat ay ordinaryo
walang kahit na anong espesyal,
walang kahit na an0ng kakaiba.

hindi k0 inaasahang ika'y lumapit sa akin,
sinabing "ang dami k0ng dapat gawin"
sasagot sana ak0 "an0 ka ba? nandit0 naman ak0,"
per0 naisip k0ng hindi pala tayo, "oo nga" sabi k0.

napakwento tuloy ak0 ng mga bagay tungk0l sa akin,
para lang hindi ka ma-b0red at umalis,
kahit walang hingahan, at para ak0ng armalite sa bilis,
ay0s lang, napatawa naman kita e.

umuwi ak0 sa bahay na pun0 ng ngiti,
may nakabangga pa yata ak0ng lasing,
deadma ak0, nand0on pa rin ang saya sa labi,
kung panaginip it0, ay0k0 na magising.

pumas0k ak0ng kwart0,
tumal0n sa tuwa,humagalpak sa saya,
ni-lock ang pint0,
sabay patugt0g ng senti s0ng.

"because of you my life has changed..."
napasabay pa ang gaga sa kilig,
ang kantang dating c0rny at baduy,
iy0n na ang aking hilig.

tap0s...

may pumigil sa aking kasiyahan,
ala-alang bumalik sa aking isipan,
mga pangayayaring nagdul0t ng kir0t,
sumira sa pus0ng pag0d.

mayr0on pala ak0ng bagay na nakalimutan,
mga titig na para sa kanya,
mga ngiting alay sa dalaga,
ang pagmamahal na sa kanya.

tinigil k0 ang senti s0ng,
pinalitan ng kantang para sa iy0,
kantang lagi ng nasa disc man,
dahil pus0 k0 ikaw ang laman.

"why, why are we still friends,
when everything says, we sh0uld be m0re,
than we are. And tell me why, evertime i f0und
s0me0ne that i like, we always end up,just being...

friends..."

sumugat sa pus0 ang huling letra ng kanta,
ang galing ng c0mp0ser, parang nasaktan din.
pinikit k0 na lang ang aking mga mata,
dahil di k0 na mapigil, pagpatak ng luha...


______________________

ano nga ba talaga ang nakain k0 ng araw na yan...?!